Hello World

I’m not too sure why every programmer has this crap convention before diving into the deep blue sea. 

puts ‘Hello world’

Program complete. // I expect you to type this stuff in, and realize via deducation what things do. You see hello world on your term, therefore, puts is like print in most languages… Try print out instead of puts.

print 'hello again world' 

there’s no difference.

print 'hell’

puts 'o’

print 'world’

Maybe there was.

Honestly this stuff is boring in Ruby… This public static void 'hello world’ stuff is for the Java junkies… A Hello World for Rubyists would be creating program that programs a machine that eats java programs and shits out rainbows.

Typically, in tutorials, they would be like “well lets just do that” (Acting like it was totally spontaneous in the first place)… Also typically they wouldn’t swear, considering that they want a demographic that’s appealing to Christians as well. I’m a hacker, so I’m going to teach you nothing and waste your time.

Swearing has a eqv. in programming universe. They call it bad code. To know evil, you must first really know what good code looks like:

=begin

Good code has comments like this one. Great code has variables that are self explanatory. 

=end 

greatVaribleNameThatExplainsEverythingAboutTheFunctionButEndsUpBeingAsLongAsWhatIt'sTryingToDescribeAndIsMostOfTheTimePurposeDefeating= 'this is a string talking about how great this variable name is' 

puts greatVaribleNameThatExplainsEverythingAboutTheFunctionButEndsUpBeingAsLongAsWhatIt'sTryingToDescribeAndIsMostOfTheTimePurposeDefeating

But that’ll be a tutorial in how to be a good little programmer. Hackers typically don’t care about what your code looks like - they care about results. Results are frowned upon everywhere outside of your parents basement. Bad code looks like this

a = 'whyyyyyyyyyyy’

print a + ’!?@#?!?@#!’

I’m going to skip the niggly bits, and get straight into code. But before I do that, here’s your slogan of the day: 

puts 'I want to solve problems, not spoonfeed compiler’

You chose it because you wanted to get things done fast. You didn’t choose it because you wanted a job. 

shithead = “I’m sorry, you’re sorry, we’re all sorry.”

puts shithead

That’s the sound of your interviewer telling you didn’t get the job because you care about productivity.

def doucheGenerator(name)

puts “#{name}: I love the machine”

end

doucheGenerator('jimmy’)

That’s the kind of programmer who’ll get hired. GJ Jimmy!

def threaten(name)

puts “You’re a sell out #{name}. I’m telling you #{name}, the next time I see you, I’m going to take your lunch money’.”

2.times{puts 'you're not my friend anymore!!’}

end

threaten('jimmy’)

threaten('frank’)

You get the point. Now for the fun stuff:

javaProgrammers = %w( tony jim katey mary harry stapler )

javaProgrammers.each {|hater| threaten(hater)}

Post complete.

Or in Ruby syntax:

Post.complete

Or in Java:

#endPost.java

public static void (main args[]) {

 …

<<50>>

…

}

—————-

compile endPost.java

—————

Java endPost